I'm nobody without you, mama!!

ding dong ding dong
its 12 am
and here I am becoming 18 years old officially
however this entry is actually not for me
its for my mom

hey madam teti rozi,
I know that I'm not a very good daughter to you
and sometimes I think I am worthless
I done nothing that you can be proud on me
and I realize sometimes I hurt you
maybe a lot I guess..

so mom..wanna know something
every time you get hurt because of me
I really wanna give you thousands of novels for a present
because I know you love to read novels
so that you can smile again

ma..
every time you upset because of me
I really wish I am the best writer in the world
so that I can write a book for you
because I know one of your dream is going to be a writer
and I wanna see your smile again

mother..
every time you mad on me
I wish I have a lot of money
so that I can build a glass house like you always dream about
because I know you will be happy again

mama..
I know sometimes I didn't listen to you
I know I hurt you always
I know I disappointed you most
and I know I never make you happy with me

I do realize all of that
but I dunno know how to say sorry
or to say that I love you most
because I dunno how to impress my feelings or my regrets for hurting you
but do believe me mama,
I never wanna it too
I never wanna hurt you or disappointed you ever

So here I am
on my own birthday
I wish a very thank you for you
for giving birth to me
for raising me well enough
since 16 November 1992 until today 16 November 2010
you have done a great job,mother
you have been the most incredible person in my life
and I realize I rarely saying to you that actually
I am PROUD to be your daughter
I LOVE you more than myself
and I wanna you know
that I trying my best to make you happy
I'm trying the best I could to make you proud me even once
and I am going to try harder to get good results
so that you will never be ashamed to tell everyone that I'm your daughter

For 18 years
you have been my best friend ever
you have been a good listener
you have been a good counselor
you have been a good cooker
you have been a good doctor
and you have always being there all the time

so here mom
I hope that
you are still willing to being there with me in the next
18 years..insy in ALLAH's willing
so that there will be one moment that you will be happy and proud with me

from deep in my heart..
once again I LOVE YOU MOM..
sincerely,
your first daughter..

(how I wish you will read this
because I really dunno how to say sorry and all those things in front of you)